The Effects Of Divorce
By Kerry Graylor
The effects of divorce are often not what we expect. Of course divorce can be devastating, but it can also be wonderfully freeing, even if we did not want the divorce. Sometimes the months or years leading up to the separation can be so painful and difficult that it is simply a relief that it is over.
However, there are usually some more unpleasant side effects and it can be useful to be prepared for these. If we understand the reasons for some of the things that are happening around us, it can be easier for us to forgive, forget and move on.
Firstly, you may be surprised at the reactions of other people to your divorce. People you expect to be on your side may not be behind you 100%. Even your family may have mixed reactions. Your parents, if they are still alive, may be unhappy about having a divorce in the family and think you are responsible or partly responsible.
Other family members may have liked your ex-spouse and blame you for the fact that he or she is no longer in their lives. Your kids, grown up or not, may do the same. Sure, they probably blame your spouse just as much as they blame you, but that may not help much while they are yelling at you. Just understand that it is not really you they hate, but the divorce itself.
You may also get some mixed reactions from work colleagues and friends because of your new single status. This can lead some people to think of you as competition whereas before you were seen as safe and predictable. You may be seen as a threat either by friends of your own sex who worry about you being available for their spouses, or by work colleagues who believe that now you are divorced you are likely to be seeking to earn more, so you will be working harder for that promotion they were hoping to get themselves.
Then you may be surprised at the effects that your divorce has on you. You may not feel as badly as you expected, or you may feel much worse. You may experience grief for your lost relationship, or pangs of loneliness may overcome you when you see happy couples in the street.
You may cry uncontrollably at sentimental films or for no reason at all. Sometimes you can have these feelings even if you wanted the divorce. Don't worry, you are not going crazy. It is natural to be deeply disappointed that your marriage did not work out the way you originally hoped. You may be afraid of being left alone as you grow older. Your reaction may also be partly caused by the stress of the divorce proceedings themselves.
Going through a divorce can be distressing but give yourself and those around you time, and you will find that everybody adjusts to your new single state. Stay open to new possibilities and you are sure to discover some of the positive effects of divorce that you could not have imagined.
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