A Happy Second Marriage
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It has been written that a second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. While the baby boomer generation has been credited with an increasing divorce rate, healthier relationships and life-long marriages the second time around are a benefit as well.
There are many reasons for divorce, including spousal abuse, lack of communication, failure to grow together, unresolved emotional childhood conflicts, unrealistic expectations and an erosion of lifelong commitment. The divorce rate in the United States has been as high as 50% of all first marriages end in separation or divorce before one partner dies.
According to statistics from the State of the Unions report issued by Rutgers University, one marriage in five ends within the first five years. Despite the gloomy statistics, a second marriage can offer a lasting and satisfying relationship to a husband and wife.
After a divorce, pursuit of happiness comes at a cost. For those who have ended a first marriage, understanding the reasons for failure and making necessary life changes is essential. Finding the clues may involve some soul searching, therapy or listening sessions with relationship experts.
Often, unresolved childhood hurts are projected onto a partner who becomes a scapegoat, while the real cause is unhealed negative memories. For example, the lack of communication in a first marriage may have resulted from a husband who withdraws when his wife seems to talk incessantly.
If he associates that talk with a demanding mother who controlled him, the relationship may be filled with unresolved resentment. After obtaining a divorce, such a person must confront those memories before repeating a pattern of rejection and hurt by attracting a similar partner.
Civil law differs from church law in defining how valid a marriage is. Various church laws recognize the validity of another marriage after divorce based upon a successful annulment order. Annulment is a process of investigating and judging whether the partners of a marriage entered into with free and clear intentions and were capable of making the commitment required for a lasting relationship.
If one or both spouses are found to be lacking in these requirements, an annulment order is granted. A second marriage is validated, as the first marriage has now been declared invalid.
Since the age of baby boomers ranges from 45 to 70 years old, a second marriage is often sought by a middle aged widow or widower. Widows and widowers are increasingly likely to meet and decide that a new marriage is an excellent way to avoid spending their autumn years alone and continue to raise children or care for grandchildren together.
As with a first marriage, a second marriage offers is a new beginning to build a long and loving relationship.
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